Miss Joy’s Neighborhood

QotD: Holidays: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

What's your favorite thing about the holidays? Least favorite?

My favorite thing about the holidays is EggNog Lattes and I can wear red all month if I want.

My least favorirte thing is that Christmas becomes more over the top each year and I want my daughter to learn it's not about the gifts. & The anniversary of my grandmothers death is December 24th(2006).

His name aint Tiger- it's Cheetah.

And here we go with the Tiger incident(s)...

I emailed my friend and asked, You didn't sleep with Tiger too, did you? She replied. No but I'd sleep with Kobe. LMFAO....

*sigh* well.......

Kobe probably feels off the hook right about now from his drama. but let me give you my 2 cents on Tiger. When I was driving to work the other morning and they were reading his email fantasy to one of his chicks and they mentiioned he pops Ambien before sex, my first thought was ...what???? who does that????

Ambien equals no round 2.

Hey Tiger- you wanna get with <----------------------------------------------------------------------------this , Kristina.....stop the Ambien, you need your strength...your ass aint droppping me cuz you're half asleep.....You're short changing women around here Tiger.....That's why I'm saving my ass for a fucking Yankee....*pshhh*

And now.....

I have spent the last week thinking that I ruined his Thanksgiving. I’ve started to think that having a relationship with someone is a bad thing. So much so, I didn’t feel the need to call my friends and discuss my pathetic life. If I were to talk to them, I’d make my topics general or lend a ear to them, but discussions of Kristina and whatever else…wouldn’t happen.

When I returned from California, I asked him if we were dating again….Which this is what it has led to , well besides a bunch of nothing- all topics were discussed over electronic communication which sucks ass. He asked me when I contacted him in Vegas, was relationships on my mind.

No.

To me Vegas is mutual ground. No one is alone, I mean maybe we could have been alone if so be it but realistically, I thought he would be with his friends and if we met up for dinner, then it’s a few hours of hanging out.

He said he invited me to California because we both wanted to see each other, we both won’t doing anything, why not basically.

True. I did want to see him, but the problem is I’ve been in love with him.

You see, when he first invited me I didn’t know what to think. I asked if was a “drunk invite” I asked if was really inviting me. He claims he was truly inviting me then I started to think, ok…hmmm…a holiday…Nah…really???

I told my friend that about it and that I was considering going. I think when she heard his name, that that is the last person who I would want to spend a holiday with. And she asked, “People don’t spend holidays with just anyone, does that mean he’s trying to pursue you again..I mean, seriously, this is a MAJOR holiday….maybe he’s trying to make it up to you…. BUT…if he’s not are you ready for that?”

I hadn’t asked him what his intentions were. I feared that we’d argue about distance or freaking left over feelings or just the past in general. I didn’t want to ruin the moment, if rekindling was what it was.

One conversation we had before I went down there was about if he was with another girl. Meaning dating or sexually or whatever.

When he told me about her, I didn’t know how to feel and that’s when I started to fear that when I’d see him, I fall in love all over again.

I told him how he invited to Thanksgiving, a holiday I haven’t spent with a guy since 2005, we slept together, did couple like things, I feel I left on a good note- I feel like I have a right to ask are we dating again…

He said he wanted to be my friend. Let me tell you, I have a ton of guy friends. When we go kick it or spend night together because we have been drinking or we vacationed together, we never hold hands, we never wonder I’m going to sleep, we never watch TV and lean on each other. Again I ask are we dating again?

I’m driving myself crazy here because I’m not sure if I really just fell into a bunch of nothing, or if I messed a what could -have-been but wont-be-because- I -asked -about - relationship, or if he just got the holiday lay and proves me wrong- people do spend the holidays with just anyone.

I’m not the girl who he met last week, I’m the girl whom he met in 2006 on a dance floor in Vegas who was very married at the time, and I danced with him all night long and talked to him for several hours and gave him not one kiss until I met him again a month later and after I was with him, I freaking fell. Hard. And I try and try to talk to him, to get to know him and what’s he all about and what makes him happy, or what makes him laugh, or hell, just anything to get on his important people list for that matter and the moment I ask about a relationship, I’m the bad person.

Am I?

I want to be his friend. Don’t get me wrong- relationships need the friendship. But again I ask- why am I the bad person?

I’m this freaking woman in Seattle that is a mother, and loving person and in my eyes- a down ass chick for her man and dammit if I’m flying to California, I don’t want ass. I want to know this person cares for me and that they want to see me again and that I mean something. And I often think- look dude, if we are dating, I could be seeing your ass on Friday….or can we skip the bullshit and just establish something already?????

Do you know how hard it was for me to be with him, in bed, him inside of me and not say the words, I love you…now dammit..HARDER…DEEPER……*LOL*

………………………………............

And now he’s not talking to me….

With New Years....

Around the corner, I'm already starting to think of resolutions.

1. Be more organized- at home and at work.

2. Rebuild.* Financially and emotionally- 2009 has taken a toll on me.

3. Make the best of what I got.

I'm sure I'll have several more over the next few days...

Things on Tuesday.

It's Tuesday and it's cold!

Love:

The 8 hours of sleep that I got last night.

I asked my friends if any of them slept with Tiger.

My daughter and I had a wonderful time shopping on Sunday.

Loathe:

The holidays.

Emptiness.

Temperatures in the teens.

I did it!

Yesterday morning my co worker comes to me to tell me that our results are online for the CPC exam. I told her that I was having a rather bad week and I'm a little hesitant to check, maybe I should wait for the letter in the mail.

Since she done told everyone how she didn't pass, people were starting to ask me if I did.

I sat there for a couple of hours and just ignored them but started to think maybe I should check, I bet my boss will be asking.

I logged on and as soon as I saw my full name with the credentials, CPC on the end, I knew that I had passed!

What was my score?!?!?!? Um, a passing one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

I did it!! I did it!!!!!