6 posts from May 2008

I have been hating my apartment for several months.  But I hadn't wanted to move until I knew I could buy something instead of still renting.  And I didn't want to do that until I passed my Series 7, because if I didn't pass, I would have lost my job.  But now that I passed, I can keep my job and my future is stable.

I went to Chase Mortgage and got pre-approval for a mortgage.  And I set up an appointment with a Realtor in the area for Thursday!  I am happy.  I get to start looking for a place of my own, away from my neighbors who have parties until 3am like 5 nights per week.

Yay!  Finally feel like I am moving foward.

This was from Connie.  I thought it was beautiful, so I should pass it on.

The best forwarded e-mail I received today.

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
 
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, "You are not a man!"
 
That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
 
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, 30% shares of my company and the car. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly.
 
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
 
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
 
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
 
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy.
 
Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
 
I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset.
 
I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
 
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest... I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
 
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning... This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
 
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me; she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.
 
Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, "Dad, it's time to carry mum out." To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
 
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore."
 
She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. "Do you have a fever?", she said. I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew," I said, "I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death does us apart."
 
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote: "I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart."
 
The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, the property, the bank balance that matters. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
 
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you, but if you do, you just might save a marriage.
 
Relationships are made not to exploit, not to be broken.

We teach some by what we say
We teach some more by what we do
But we teach most by what we are
- Unknown

 You don't get to choose how you are going to die, or when, but, you can decide how you are going to live, here and now.
 
Remember:

People will forget what you said...
People will forget what you did...
But people will never forget how you made them feel....

You have to learn lessons also from others mistakes because you will not get time to do all the mistakes on your own.

What highway do you drive on the most?  I-95
Would you consider yourself a flirt?   Yeah, I probably am.
What are your siblings middle names?  LeRoy.
What's a song that puts you in the mood to dance or party?  There are tons of them.
Where are you going on your next vacation?  NYC!!!
Do you get paid weekly or bi-weekly?  weekly
What color are your pillows?  cream
Favorite aunt's name?  Midge
What hours do you work?  7am to 6pm
Are you superstitious?  not really
Whose motorcycle were you last on?  this guy my friend Angela was dating, I forgot his name.
You have to buy the perfect shirt to wear tonight, where do you go?  Bebe
How many calendars are in your house?  The one on my computer.
Have you ever been confused over two relationships at once?  No
Who is the last person that made you laugh in person?  Leanne
What kind of lotion is closest to you?  Jergen's Natural Glow
What's on tv this second?  a biography on Robert Downy Jr.
What helps you sleep?  reading MSRB rules and regulations, that puts me right out.
How much would you get if you traded your car in?   maybe 10k
What color shirt did your mom wear today?   No idea.
Last time you saw your dad?  The day he died.  Yeah, not a good story.
Last time you babysat?  when i was a teenager
How often do you do laundry?  About once a week
What commercials are your favorite?  none of them
Have you ever been prescribed narcotics?  Yep
Have you ever copied someone's tests?  No way.
When's the last time you used a slip and slide?  When I was like 5 or something.
Whats annoying you right now?  I am still a little peeved about my friend flaking on me about my car battery.
Do you have a crush on someone from the workplace?  Yeah.
Are you an introvert or extrovert?  Depends on who I’m around…. & my mood.
Do you take birth control?  No
How many rings do you wear daily?  none
Any tattoos?  just the quarter sleeve
Name 3 people you worked with today?  Gregg, Poul, Leanne
Favorite summer cocktail?  Mojito
Plans for today/tonight?  study, study, study
Plans for the weekend?  study

This all happened this morning.  I had a couple cups of coffee, posted on Vox for a bit, and then was going to go to the gym.  But I get downstairs and my battery is completely dead.  I looked in my trunk for my jumper cables, but I think they got left in my mom's car when I was in Houston, so I didn't have any.

It's like 10:30am on a Saturday and I go walking up and down my street, looking for neighbors to give me a jump.  Absolutely no one is home.

I went to my friend Melissa's house and she and her boyfriend were there.  They had out of town guests in from Seattle and were making breakfast.  Her boyfriend, Shawn, came out to see if he had any cables.  He didn't.  We walked across the street to one of his friend's houses, he didn't have any either.  We all went to my car to just check things out.  They both agreed it was just my battery.

So we are all standing around and I said, I could just go to an auto parts store and buy new cables and get my battery checked and/or replaced.  Shawn volunteered to drive me up there.  But wanted to go eat breakfast with the house guests first.  The neighbor offered to help, but Shawn said he could do it.  And I was like, thank you so much, I really appreciate it.  He said, I'll give you a call as soon as I am done with breakfast.

So around 11:45am, he knocks on my door.  Tells me that Melissa wants him to run some errands for her and he'll come around later to help me.  I was like, do you want to just run all the errands at the same time, and he says, "Um, no, not this trip."  I was like, "oh, ok, let me know when you can do it then."

12:40pm I get a call from Melissa, I missed the call, but her voicemail was this:

"You know, Shawn and I feel sorry for you and all..... but your dead battery came at the worst possible time for us.  We have out of town guests and are trying to get stuff done here.  I think it's incredible selfish of you to demand that Shawn take care of your car problems for you.  I think you should find someone else to help you."

FUCK!!!

Seriously, I wouldn't have been pissed off at all, if 2+ hours ago he told me he would not help me.  But I had to study for my Series 63, I had stuff to do, and I was stuck sitting around the house without a car for several hours waiting for them.  And then, after all that time, he totally flakes out.  I think that was rude.  PLUS, I never asked, he offered.  I was in a difficult situation and was extremely grateful for the help.  I never even brought any of this up, Shawn did.  And if he didn't want to help, why did he wait over 2 hours and then have his girlfriend call and leave a bitchy message on my phone instead of man-ing up and calling me himself. 

Well, I guess I know now, who not to ever turn to or call my friend.

I passed my Series 7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woo Hoo!  And not only that, but I got a ridiculously high score.  I scored higher than the mentors who teach the review class.  I also scored more than 10 points higher than any of the guys on my team!  It's always nice to kick boys' butts!!  :)